According to recently leaked documents from the Department of Ethical Produce, Jefferstein allegedly enticed underaged “fruit people” to his island with the promise of one billion gold and diamond encrusted bananas, a currency of extraordinary value in fruit-based communities. Investigators claim the young-fruit-people were blackmailed into forced labour to satisfy Jefferstein’s “personal desires”, the exact nature of which officials have declined to detail but have described broadly as “deeply exploitative” and “disturbing”.

Dump, who has publicly referred to Jefferstein as “a terrific investor, and a man who likes to party”, invited Jefferstein to his mansion in Alligator Town on a number of occasions. Photos circulating on social media also confirm the president’s association with the dishonourable fruit investor. Critics of the president argue that his long-standing association with Jefferstein raises serious ethical and moral concerns, and his inability to release the many receipts of illegal fruit purchases raises eyebrows. Opposition politicians in Ashington C.D. have already called for a full parliamentary-style inquiry. Congresswoman Mango Tangerine Greengo, a ranking member of the Committee on Tropical Affairs, released the following statement: “The American people deserve to know whether their president knowingly associated with a man perpetrating atrocities against vulnerable fruit populations.” The White House, however, dismissed the allegations as “a politically motivated fruit salad of nonsense”, insisting that President Dump’s meetings with Jefferstein were “strictly social” and “entirely above board”. The case is ongoing.